Since childhood, she was constantly pressurised to carry out things, the way her family wanted…it affected, hurt and aggrieved her mind…hardly any instances where anyone would be willing to consider that she had a ‘wish’ too…this will have to change, she decided…it cannot go on like this forever…as for now it’s the birth family and who knows later it could be the in-laws who might do this to me…she would have to break out of these chains someday and become independent, she willed to herself…day by day as she kept growing, the purpose did too and in manifold proportions…the desire that had become a determination now, spiralled to such an intensity that she cringed and began inwardly separating herself from anything and anybody that could influence her in anyway.
She got herself well educated to be financially independent…got married to have a family different from the one she was not happy with and got an identity independence…had children to ensure that her life had it’s due share of joys and pleasures, in place…and now the children were young …but loving and caring in their own ways…they, out of absolute concern, used to prevail over her to take care of herself….But was she happy though?….No….this troubled her once again…a fresh fear was gripping her mind…if they are like this today, what if I end up being their puppet tomorrow?….I would certainly not be happy if they keep dictating over me even if it is for my own good…So once again she decided she would have to separate herself well before time and almost set out to do so…better be safe than be sorry, she thought.
But suddenly there was the onset of these doubts and they assailed her.
What am I doing? – she questioned herself.
How can I even think of separating from those loved ones whom I have myself brought into this world ? Is there anything wrong with me? Am I ‘the failure’ in managing relationships? In the quest of being heard, am I making myself unheard?
Am I making myself independent or am I simply making myself lonely by shutting people out? – this was the question that loomed large over her mind now but with no palpable answers.
‘Oh what a Chakra!!!…This is indeed a vicious circle’, grieved her mind inward.
‘I think I need help…’, she decided