Post hectic work schedules and non-stop meetings, as I sit back in my cubicle, badly in need of a breather, my hands absent mindedly click away on the laptop, going about the familiar work flows, under the instructions of my brain. But hey!!! Where’s the mind? Well, It’s kind of lost at the moment, pre-occupied in it’s search…dwelving deep into some of the inner recesses that I haven’t probably tapped for ages.
I see my home town, a small but popular destination suburb in a rather famous city…I was born there, grew up and lived there for over 30 some years….I enter each and every of the familiar lanes that seem to have my footprints…I visit all those temples where I used to frequent once upon a time, in quest of solace and had found my calling each time I prayed there…It was more than a decade since I had stopped living there, besides the occassional, brief visits but the memories made me feel deeply serene and albeit for brief moments, they fetched a level of tranquility I needed then.
Cut back to the present, with settlement abroad since several years, all the family members included, I recalled my long standing advise to dad to sell off the house considering they may not need it in the future. Though he agreed with it and did try a couple of times to initiate the process, in my heart I knew we have some more time for this to go through since mom was reluctant yet…’there are memories attached’, she said…I wrote her off as being impractical..but today’s experience had set me thinking…In the light of whatever we are planning for our future, I might never be able to ever get back to those lanes…the gods in those temples, will I ever get to see them?…I was then hit by a sudden feeling…what will happen when I shall grow old and the memory would begin to fade?…Money may not matter to me at that stage for I would have clearly become a dependent then…Maybe I would continue living in another part of the world with my child and may not be in a condition to physically move as much as I would like…But when I am old and senile, wouldn’t the mind yearn for a connection to the roots?…It usually does in the declining years as I’ve seen in many cases and I would probably be not be any exception. Isn’t this connection any man’s true calling to serenity and peace?…But are these the memories on which I would fall back on then, to seek that peace, was what made me a little confused to which I had no answers….I was also slightly dumb-founded for right since childhood, I had always wanted to do well enough to move out of that town to a better part of the city in which I fairly succeeded too…I am still clear that I never ever probably want to go back though dad keeps advising me otherwise…’those are our roots’ he keeps saying…surely I am a contended individual today and have never been misguided in my decisions then how come these memories succeed in bringing about the serenity and peace I love, was something that was a big question….Is this where a man’s individuality lay, beneath the hotchpotch of ambitions, desires and emotions?…but now I decide to let these questions lie, since they can’t be addressed today…there are responsibilities and priorities that take precedence…however a new truth had dawned…’what you try to move away from most, is probably what you need the most’…I could probably understand where mom’s reluctance came from…Drawing a deep breath, for now, I decided to focus on the work on hand.