An irony of life where nothing can be done is losing the people who have been around you ever since you were born. They would have kept up their presence in your life as you were growing up, while continuing to be there in myriad ways even after you separated from the family. In childhood, they would have been your comfort, critic, buddy, advisor, guide and later on as we move forward in life, they tend to become reduced to a ‘guest’ but yes, they would yet make sure to keep up that small presence, even while continuing to be our well wishers.
We could be close to them and when prompted, could share things happening in our lives. They would ask questions, hear us out, advise on what they felt was right, comfort us and leave us to take our decisions for ourselves. Some of them would have even taken us out for movies, outings, presented us with gifts.
One such person was my paternal grandfather who passed away thirty years ago when I was just eleven. Being the first grandchild, he was excessively fond of me and lavished all his affection as long as he was alive. He was incredibly proud of me too, I being the intellectual one of the lot who got good grades. After his demise, though, in waking life, I was too busy to think much about him, in my heart, somewhere I missed him. I had been extremely attached to him. He pampered me, brought me things that no one did, comforted me when the others scolded and did all the nèedful to keep his grandchild happy. He loved all his grandchildren though I’m aware and also told that he loved me somewhat more than the others.
His absence did affect me in many ways and for many years which I realised only much later. At every success, I used to remember him and wish he there to celebrate. During low moments I wished he was around to comfort me. Then over the years many new family relationships came on board though as far as I was concerned, he was someone different. No one could replace him. In the nights, for several years, I even used to dream of him coming back alive, though I could never fathom the reason for those dreams. I hold on to the possessions gifted by him even today.
Cut back to the present, several loved ones have passed away before these very eyes, during all these years. People whom we would never expect to go so soon…untimely deaths in unreasonable ways…many people around whom I grew up, the people whom I spent time with, some of them who took care of me at times, some who worried for me, are no longer there. At times, I can’t help but wonder where do they all go? Are they reborn somewhere? Are they still around us today in different forms, as different beings?. Though they were your elders, you do feel lonely…left out. When this feeling hits, I voluntarily snap myself out of it…what the heck am I thinking?… this feeling of ‘loneliness’ is unfair since I was never one of them…it’s too early for me to join them…I have responsibilities…then I curse myself for these lines of thought.
Finally I took one decision. Death is inevitable. It’s a hard truth. There is no choice other than to accept. So let them go. We are chosen to be the living ones. So let us do justice to this blessing and live. To make our paths more clearer, wouldn’t it be better to slowly release the memories of those departed ones, whether pleasant, unpleasant or inadequate and dissipate the energies that they have left around and inside of us? These memories may be bitter-sweet and bring us a lot of peace, probably re-kindle those lights of love they left behind, but yet, aren’t these ghosts from the past? Why are we attempting to connect to and live in world that no longer exists? We love them all and miss them in different ways but yet wouldn’t it be still wiser to grow out, move on in life and give our focus to the present? Anything else would be unfair to this gift called ‘life’.
So, hereinafter, with a pinch of salt, I resolve to look back at them, as less as possible and whenever I do, it would be with a smile of love, respect, satisfaction and a thanksgiving for the journey we were blessed in sharing together in this life and with a prayer for a better path for them in their afterlife.
I further resolve to live in the present and centre my attention into creating memorable times for my loved ones around me, alongside building my own future.
And last but not the least, I wish R.I.P meant ‘RETURN IF POSSIBLE’.
———With Lots of LOVE